Not Me
by BritaChica
Summary: Okay, summary: I'm new at watching and I don't know all the Japanese names so this is written using the English names. This is from Julian's point of view after he finds out that Yue is inside him. Please R/R.


Not Me by Brita*Chica 

A/N: Right, in the space below this, once written, will be m first Cardcoptors fic. BEFORE people yell at me I will have to use the English names for the characters as I have watched a maximum of twwelve episodes and are still trying to get to grips with most of what is happening. I'm starting to remember the Japanese names bit by bit and can usually recognise them if I see them written down but don't know them well enough to write them. Does that make sense? Of course it doesn't I had between 4 and 5 hours sleep before writing this. Anyway, please review. If it counts for anything: I know who people are talking about when they say S + S but, is Eriol Eli? The names sound simaler but I'm not sure. Any help offered for that? 

Disclaimer: CardCaptors/CardCaptor Sakura (I think that they are the same show) belong to the person/people who own in. I am making no profit out of this fic. 

The night air is cold outside. I look out of my window, the moon hangs in the sky- the moon, the moon, the moon! Why did I have to make myself think of him again!? Him as in Him: the moon one, not that stuffed animal but the other one. 

The one inside me. 

What was his name? Yue. Yue. Yue. Yue. Yue. I try to forget the name but everytime I think of him the name builds up inside my head. 

I am one of those maidens who get tied to train tracks in the old movies and the name Yue is the train coming to hit me. When there is noone to run over and loosen the ropes. 

The train speeds up, is running out of control. The Yue-name-train which is what I have decided to call it, I decided it just now, I should ba allowed to decide that. It's up to me. Anyway, the Yue-name-train gets closer and then I see the person inside it. He goes by the name of Yue. 

Or sometimes Julian. 

I am Yue, Yue is me. 

NO! I am to Yue what that stuffed animal is to that other one. Just a vessel. Nothing important. I was never anything important. 

All those blackouts: I was letting him have control of my body. My body? His body. He never spoke directly through me, he always went to his true form. 

Pure evil on wings. 

When I ate I was providing him with energy. He must have been weak, that was why I was so hungry all the time. 

How many people knew? 

How many knew before I found out? I never got tolkd how many. 

Why did he have to be in me? 

Why couldn't he be in someone else? 

I was happy being Julian, I don't want to be Yue. I want to be Julian again. Julian Yue Julian Yue Julian Yue Julian Yue. 

The names swim round my mind until they are mixed up and I can't tell which is which. 

How can the words swim with no water to swim in? 

Why will noone tell me the answer to my question about the words! Wait, did I even ask it? Did I speack it out loud? Reality and imaginary spin together, dancing an old type of dance. 

How can they dance if they don't have legs? 

Do they have legs? 

Noone answers that question either. I guess that I didn't peack either of them allowed. 

Could it have been that long ago that I spoke my last words to anyone? 

Has all that time passed? 

I still remeber them words. The world around me wazs getting darker by the second, so dark. The light, fading. My body tired... Yes, tired... and free? Was I free? Had he gone? Had he left? Could he ever leave. It had only been five minutes, if he had left then I should get up but my body is so tired. I can't get up. Not really. It had only been five minutes- had my strength gone in that time? Such a short space of time. To anyone else it might have looked like I had tried to hurt myself- no. Why would I do that? I wanted to hurt him. 

To de-rail his train and get him out of my body forever. 

I didn't know how to do that though. How to make him leave me alone. 

So I cut them. 

The nearest place I could find to the knife. I had to act quickly so that he wouldn't take over my body and stop me. 

I managed though. 

I managed to use that knife to cut my wrists. 

Julian? Suicidal? No. I have never been or am suicidal and I never will be. 

I wasn't trying to kill myself with the knife. 

I was trying to kill him. 

He had no right taking over my body! Was it my body? Was it not his? I am real? Do I exist? Was I just created to house the monster? 

Tori and Sakura came by then. 

Where they even looking for me? When Sakura screamed and when Tori tried to get me to sit up because I had fallen over on the floor, where they trying to help me. 

Or him? 

"Julian, what did you... Why did you..." Sakura asked me, looking at my blood stained clothes. 

Hmm, I'll have to get them washed. 

"I want him out of me." I manage to say but it comes out as a whisper, I don't remember most of what happened after that. 

Now I sit in my room. 

He doesn't bother me except to drive the train towards me. 

I wish that I was back in my old room. This one isn't as nice. For one thing, the walls are grey, and I have to wear this weird type of jacket which holds my arms behind my back. I don't understand why. 

My name is Julian, I say, and a month ago I found out that I had evil living inside of me. 

His name is Julian, they say, and a month ago he went insane. 

A/N: Okay, that was a bit different to how it was supposed to turn out. Anyways... If Eriol is Eli, does he stay evil? Or do people just like putting evil characters with other characters, Eriol + Tomoyo (who I think is Madison). The last thing I knew he was evil and was with Ruby Moon and that cat-type thing that looks like Kero, urrm, Spinner Sun. The last episode I saw was the one where dash took over the bike and ran off because Sakura had tried to transform Eight cards into Star cards at once or something. Does he stay evil after that? 


End file.
